A therapist once asked me if I experienced anxiety at a certain time of the day. They also asked if I could somehow ‘bring on’ an anxiety attack if I realised I hadn’t had one that day. My answer was of course no, I have had many days where I haven’t had an attack and I was very pleased about it.
Today was supposed to be one of those anxiety free days. I went to church with my wife and daughter as we do most Sundays and then after the service we would all have a special lunch. I wasn’t feeling particularly sociable today, which happens from time to time, but I wanted to take part.
The service was great and we sat down and had lunch with no immediate issues. I then heard someone say that their child has been suffering from an upset tummy. As illness is one of my biggest phobias, I was immediately on alert. Even though I had not been anywhere near this child, I was already thinking about possible scenarios.
I was determined to put it out of my mind and for a while I was successful. However, by the time we left and headed home, I was feeling rather anxious. Even though I am on medication, the anxiety was doing its best to let me know that the alarm bells were ringing. I resorted to my distraction techniques and for the most part is worked.
The problem was that I kept lingering in the background so that even when we went out to have a meal with friends, it still sat in the back of my mind.
It is on days like these that the frustration I feel is tangible. There seems no way to avoid the anxiety that walks along side me in life. Although, I will say that it doesn’t mean it has to stop me walking.