When I thought about writing this blog, I found myself thinking about an old episode of Columbo called How to Dial a Murder. In it, a doctor of psychology kills is friend for cheating with his wife. However at the beginning, he is teaching a group about the power of words. He says that words are controlling your life, but you must take control back.
There are three words that definately control my life when I hear them. They convey everything that is bad and nothing that is good, the words are ‘I feel sick’.
In the early hours of Saturday morning, my daughter woke us up with those three words. Even though I am on medication, the feeling of dread and fear were definitely tangible. Fortunately for me, my wife knows how I react and deals with the problem while I have to retreat to the spare room.
I always feel ashamed that I have let those three little words reduce me to an anxious wreck. Even though I have had a lot of therapy over the years and numerous people say ‘Well no-one like’s being sick’, it still controls my life when I hear it.
I know it shouldn’t and I am always trying to put it into context and reason with myself. The problem is despite all this, it still lingers.
I also feel guilty that I can’t help my daughter in her moment of need. She of course is feeling worse than me, but the hold it has over me is so strong, that I can’t even hear the noise.
This is even difficult to write, but I hope that at least one person will read this and feel that they are not the only ones controlled by words.
I am determined to break this cycle, even though it has taken many years. It is time to take control of the words.