Today was a rare day in terms of my coping tools. They are the things that I carry around with me to help me if I start to get anxious. There was a period of a few years when I stopped using any such help, but over the past year, my anxiety has been so bad, that I have had to reinstate them.
I went out to go shopping with my wife which is nothing particularly out of the ordinary. I usually always put my things into my pocket when I get dressed so I always have them with me. Today however, I neglected to do so and left them on the table.
I didn’t realise my error until I got into the first shop. I suddenly felt a twinge of anxiety which is fairly common for me. I automatically go to my coping things as a kind of security blanket I guess. But this time, I discovered that they weren’t there.
I must have looked strange, standing in the middle of the shop frantically patting all of my pockets like a man on fire. It was then that it dawned on me, I must have left them at home.
It seems strange but understandable, that at that very moment, I suddenly felt very anxious. As though my mind had gone “Ah ha!!, I have you now!” It was a pretty low thing to do, but I was in a panic for a little while until I forced my mind into a logical thought process.
Even with this grounding, my mind was still full of thoughts about impending illness and germs that would somehow not be defeated now that I didn’t have my coping items. Well, no-one said anxiety was logical!.
Unfortunately, there was a lot to do until I was able to get home, so I had to rely on my grounding techniques to calm me down. They did work for the most part, but I was glad to get home afterwards I can honestly say.