#18 – One of Those Days

journaltitlexmas

Today has been as the title says ‘one of those days’. The kind of day that makes you wonder whether all your hard work is worth it.

My daughter’s school continues to be a difficulty for us. We are thankful that there are only a few months left before she goes to secondary school. The worst part is that I feel totally helpless to do anything about it. It is very frustrating, especially when no-one understands how your feeling.

As I type this, I can see a picture of my mum. This is the first troublesome day that I have had since she died, and I feel the loss, even more, today. It was at time’s like this, that I could ring her and have a good rant about what was wrong. I think she understood more than anyone else that sometimes I needed to get things off my chest. The best part was that she would always understand and agree with me, even if I later realised I was wrong. It’s that no questions asked, support that a parent gives that is the biggest loss for me.

There are good days and bad days, and this will be the case for some time to come, but until then, we have to go on and endure.

It feels odd when this feeling hits me, the only way I can describe it, is like hitting turbulence on a plane. You are going along just fine, then all of a sudden your heart drops like a stone. Little things like coming across a photo of mum on my phone or seeing her name on something triggers this drop.

But like turbulence, it will get easier, and it will eventually pass.

 

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