This particular devil has descended upon our house. So far it has only hit my wife, but just the fact that it is within these four walls is enough to start my health anxiety rising.
1. No Touch Policy
This is one of the first things that goes into action when a bug hits the household. There is an immediate no touch policy and this doesn’t just affect the person. I also enforce no touch of any part of the bathroom, bed or any possible surface that may have been touched. This can be quite a large area, but my super alert mind can remember the exact location of every place my wife has touched.
Of course, there is an immediate quarantine area that anyone not affected must not enter. This area usually includes the bedroom, bathroom and the hallway in between. It means I spend the contagious days in the spare room wearing a gas mask and chanting against evil spirits. I also anoint myself with hand gel.
The level that this goes to is only limited by what I can get away with. In an ideal world, every plate, glass, bedding, clothing, and bathroom visited by the ill person would be placed into a sealed container and dropped into the nearest active volcano. What actually happens is the clothes and bedding go on a boil wash (there is no volcano setting on our washing machine). The plates and glasses go on an extra long dishwasher setting, and anything eaten by the person 24 hours before is tested and analysed.
4. The Mind Goes into Overdrive
All of a sudden, I become not only a leading forensic detective, but I also develop an amazing sense of self-preservation. I liken it to the 70’s show Joe 90, it’s as if I put on glasses and I suddenly know the incubation period of any bug ever discovered. I also overthink any possible contamination or infection. I worry for the whole period of quarantine as well as a good three days after.
This is a big part for me because I feel very guilty for these feelings and coping strategies. I know that my wife understands, but I feel as though I should be helping. I do all the housework and looking after Bea of course, but It still feels like it’s not enough.
I have actually been very good for writing this as I usually can’t type or mention that which can’t be mentioned (no, not Voldemort).